You can't change what you can't see

"Perhaps at no other time do we feel the divine love of the Savior as abundantly as we do when we repent."—Linda S. Reeves, "Claim the Blessings of Your Covenants"

So today was a great lesson on Repentance and the need for it in our lives. One of my favorite quotes from the lesson was "When we repent, our life changes."

It made me think of an experience I had several years ago. I was cleaning my house and had asked a friend to come and help me. As she came in the house she noticed a Computer tower that was on top of a shelf in plain sight that was broken. I had put it up there when it broke to deal with it later. But then it disappeared, at least to me. I never saw it again. It just sat there in plain sight but I couldn't see it. She said "What about this Computer tower?" In that question I could suddenly see it and noticed that it was indeed taking up good space and cluttering up the house. I couldn't clean it until I could see it. In the lesson it quotes one of the greatest stories of repentance in the Book of Mormon it is the story of Alma the Younger. 

“My soul was harrowed up [troubled] to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.

“Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.

“… So great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror.

“… It came to pass that as I was … harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy … concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

“Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me. …

“And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more. …

“And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

“… There can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy” (Alma 36:12–14, 17–21).

I had never noticed the word "saw" in that scripture until today. Only once Alma saw what he was doing as sinful could he make the necessary steps to change and repent. Only once he recognized his need for the Savior could he call upon him to help. Last quote from the lesson: "We should repent now, every day. When we get up in the morning, we should examine ourselves to see whether the Spirit of God is with us. At night before we go to sleep, we should review our acts and words of the day and ask the Lord to help us recognize the things for which we need to repent. By repenting every day and having the Lord forgive our sins, we will experience the daily process of becoming perfect. As with Alma, our happiness and joy can be sweet and exquisite."

Several questions come to mind as I think about this message for me today. First, What do I need to see more clearly in my self and my life so I can start to change? and Second, How can I implement this question into my daily prayers so my best friend, Jesus,  can help me to see myself and my life more clearly? 

What desirest thou?

What desirest thou? is the question Nephi is asked by the Angel when he is taken away to a high mountain in response to his desire to understand the vision of the Tree of Life that his father Lehi had seen. (1 Nephi 11)

I have been pondering this question in my own life and wondering if I was asked the same question what would my answer be? What do I desire? Like Nephi do I desire to understand more fully and more personally the words of the prophets? Like Nephi do I put forth the effort to  inquire of the Lord (1 Nephi 15:8)? or like Lamen and Lemuel do I think the things that the prophets ask are Hard (1 Nephi 16:1)?

And in a broader sense what if the real test of this life is that question. What desirest thou? What if that is the true test of our discipleship and probation is the answer to that question? 

Our desires are an important test of our heart and the dedication or lack there of to the Lord. 

Alma discusses the importance of desire at the judgement bar here:

Alma 41:5

5 The one raised to happiness according to his desires of happiness, or good according to his desires of good; and the other to evil according to his desires of evil; for as he has desired to do evil all the day long even so shall he have his reward of evil when the night cometh.

This desire is certainly one that would help you gain mastery of your other desires?

3 Nephi 19:9

9 And they did pray for that which they most desired; and they desired that the Holy Ghost should be given unto them.

And this certainly discusses righteous desires to do good and help others.

Doctrine and Covenants 11:8

8 Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and, if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation.

This desire is a good place to begin when you find the truth to be hard.

Alma 32:27

27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Here is a list of my desires at this time. 

Rest, Peace, Order, Healing, Light, Truth, Cleanliness, Energy, Purpose and mission driven, deep connection to eternal identity and heritage, Unity in my marriage and family. Consistent revelation, 

I too can be a witness of the Book of Mormon

I have been working through an amazing resource from the Red headed hostess blog. Her Book of Mormon journal has been such a blessing to me. It requires me to think more deeply and in more detail about each facet of the Book of Mormon and the questions are so powerful.

One of the first surprises was the part about the testimony of the 3 and 8 witnesses. I have always sort of skipped over this part. Not because it wasn't important to me. Knowing there were witnesses to verify what Joseph said was true was important but it seemed I understood that part and could move on.  But her question was Which parts of the testimony did you have to be there to experience and which parts can you say?  This was powerful for me because it helped me connect in a powerful way to the things that the witnesses of the Book of Mormon said.

I found 10 things that the witnesses said in their testimony that I too can say.

"We know that the plates have been translated by the gift and power of God. His voice has declared it unto us." I know this because I have had a witness from the Holy Ghost born to my soul that it is true many times. I know the power of God is found in the book and that I gain that power in my own life as I study it daily.

"We know of assurity that work it true." I too know it is true and that I learn new truth that blesses my soul each time I read from it's pages. Feasting is a scripture word for a special kind of scripture study and truely fills your soul.

"We declare with words of soberness" and "We testify". Both of these I too can say. I love the Book of Mormon and testify of its truth and power to bless our lives and fill us with greater light and truth.

"We give our names to the world to witness of the Book of Mormon" as a full time missionary to Taiwan and as a mother to the most important people in my life I give my name to the world that the Book of Mormon is true. I testify that it has blessed me and helped me as a mother in my most important and overwhelming work and mission. Raising children is a challenge and I am so grateful for the blessing of the Book of Mormon to teach me how to do it and to bring me to Christ so I too can direct my children to the Savior. I love him and know that the Book of Mormon guides us to him.

"We lie not." I too lie not about my experiences with the Book of Mormon. It has brought me great joy and happiness. I love it and my Savior with all my heart.

I too am a witness of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I can say God has declared the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon to me again and again. I know that what Joseph Smith said is true through my own experience " A man (or woman) will get nearer to God through the Book of Mormon that any other book." I know of assurity that work is true. I testify of the truth, peace, happiness, and power that the Book of Mormon has brought into my life. I have also seen first hand the power of the book in the lives of others to bring them to Christ and help them change and grow.

"I want it absolutely clear when I stand before the judgment bar of God that I declared to the world … that the Book of Mormon is true." Jeffery R Holland Safety for the Soul

Partaking of the fruit and Joy

"We must find quiet moments to seek greater light and truth. And when we receive it…live it, share it…defend it."—Cheryl A. Esplin, "Filling our Homes with Light and Truth"

My youngest is listening to The Book of Mormon with a goal to finish by his 8th birthday in August. He was sharing some of what he learned yesterday. 

This was his take "The dad was afraid for Lamen and Lemuel" 

Me "Why was he afraid for them?" 

A: "Because they didn't eat the fruit of the tree."

I have been thinking a lot about this answer. How often don't we eat of the fruit of the tree? What can I do to eat of the fruit of the tree more often? How can I feel the love of God for me in my life more often and consistently? It goes with a scripture I found at the temple last week D&C 88:32-33

This part really stood out to me. "to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received."

I have been thinking about this part a lot. How much am I denied in joy because I am not willing to receive it? How much more would the Lord give me if I was open and grateful to receiving? 

I have also been wondering if getting to the tree is really a daily journey? I have felt the Love of God for me. I feel like I have partaken of the fruit in the past and have felt the Love of God for me. But like Alma says in Alma 5 “Can I feel so now?” Like right Now?  Right now I feel tired and overwhelmed?  Right now I feel grumpy and like my burdens are too great for me.

Wondering a lot about this word feeling. Have learned from many sources that Love is a verb and an action we take to show love. It is not really this magic feeling all the time. Actually not most of the time, most of the time Love is work and doing things for others without thought for ourselves and not really about feelings. Sometimes you don’t really want to do love at all but that is when you show forth the most love by doing it anyway.

Can I feel so now? Meaning can I do the things that help me feel the Love of God for me? Can I cling to the rod of iron long enough to get to the tree? Can I resist the mocking of the world and ignore the distractions to enjoy the fruit of the tree? Can I show my love for my Father by obedience and diligence.

How are you doing feeling the Love of God for you? 

Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “One of the sweetest messages the Spirit will relay is how the Lord feels about you.”⁶

See that you serve Him with all your heart

So for the new year I have decided to study a subject from cover to cover in the Book of Mormon.

Yesterday I was listening to an awesome talk on marriage and the speaker said that there are over 400 references to heart in the Book of Mormon. I decided that that would be our first study as a family.

We found 3 references in the first chapter of Nephi already.

1 Nephi 1:1 Nephi talks about his "many afflictions" but yet how blessed he is from the Lord. He was blessed to know the mysteries of God and the Goodness of God. This said "Grateful Heart" to me. I was also studying for my young women's lesson today and this reminded me of a really great question in one of the talk.

"Do you remember the first time you knew there was a God and could feel His love?" 

Robert D. Hales, “Eternal Life—to Know Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2014, 80–82

 This is where I talk about the answer to this question for me

http://livinghappiness.blogspot.com/…/earliest-memory-of-li…

1 Nephi 1:5 Lehi prayed with all his heart- I asked myself 2 questions.

1. Have I ever prayed with all my heart? The answer was yes when I really wanted something or when I was hurting. The second question was

2. How can I increase the amount I pray with all my heart? This reminded me of one of my goals for this year to have a kneeling morning and night personal prayer. Kneeling helps me focus on what I am doing and not get distracted. It also helps me to pray more earnestly and with all my heart. I am also going to try to pray my gratitude with all my heart not just my needs and wants.
Yesterday, a day I have prayed for with all my heart for 7 years finally came, and I was able to work my last day out of the home since 2007. It was a good day and on my way home I prayed with all my heart sincere gratitude for the deliverance and goodness of God in my life that he would bless me to be home again with my children and serve them full time.

1 Nephi 1:15 Lehi's heart was filled with rejoicing in the Goodness of God

Last night on my way home from my last shift in 7 years my heart was filled with gratitude that I could finally quit working outside of the home. That God, as He had promised when I felt commanded to return to work, had provided a deliverance and given me a way to come home. It seemed like the day would never come many times over the last 7 years. But I realized  that God had carried me through His command to work and blessed me all along. God is good to me!

Loved this as a parting testimony from Elder Holland

"I testify that my witness of these things is true and that the heavens are open to all who seek the same confirmation. Through the Holy Spirit of Truth, may we all know “the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom [He has] sent"

Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Only True God and Jesus Christ Whom He Hath Sent,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2007, 40–42